Some years ago it was my pleasure to appear on a Science in the Pub panel, moderated by Paul Willis ('Catalyst' and RiAus) and Bernie Hobbs ('New Inventors', ABC). The panel also featured Prof. Jenny Graves (ANU) and was held at King O'Malley's pub in Canberra. Panelists at Science in the Pub gigs are required to present a poem based on the theme of the evening. This event's theme was the science of sex (I had recently performed 'Pre-Coital' at the Australian Science Festival), so this was my offering. Apologies to Banjo Paterson.